Self-reflection

Not sure why I am posting this.  I wrote it in a fit of self reflection brought on, I think, by a question my ex-husband's current wife asked about what I remember about a disastrous co-ministry my ex and I had many years ago.  I've thought this and talked of it for a while but I haven't put it to paper (virtual tho it may be) 'til now.  A fit of honesty can be good for the soul.

I went into the Christian ministry as a ‘fuck you’ to the religious tradition in which I grew up; a tradition that told me women were second class citizens, required to subjugate themselves to men. 

For all their limitations and the difficulties in our relationship, I saw my mother and grandmother put a roof over our heads and food on our table every day of every year without the assistance of a man.  I saw women come to church every week knowing that their husbands were waiting to beat the shit out of them when they got home because the husbands forbade them to go.  These were damn strong women.  And while I now may not share their beliefs I have to respect their strength. 

These women were no second class citizens.  They were under no obligation to subject themselves to abusive asshole husbands.  They came to church for comfort and relief, yet they had no voice in a system that said only men had the right to speak; only men had the right to decide; only men had authority given by God over matters of the home and the church. 

When I was 12 I asked my pastor if he would rather see a church close for want of a pastor or have a woman as pastor.  He would prefer the church close.  This was crap.  As were the visiting preachers with their flow charts of ‘God’s Order for the Family’ with God as the head, Men next, and women and children together on the same bottom rung.  More bullshit.  More anger to fuel me.

I rebelled in the way I knew would piss them off the most.  I signed up for seminary with the intention of becoming an ordained minister. 

I graduated seminary cum laude.  I had a baby in the middle of my studies and appalled male classmates by discreetly but unashamedly nursing her in classes where I was one of only a handful of women.  I was a campus leader and agitator for the inclusion of women the great boys’ club of the church.  I was ordained in the denomination of my choice. 

I was serving as superintendent of the church’s Sunday School when I started school.  One of the church's 'ministries' was to provide financial assistance to male seminarians. Their response to me was to inform me that I was no longer fit to have influence over the souls of the children since I was willfully and disobediently overturning God’s order. 

Needless to say my future relations with that church were rocky.  One of my greatest personal victories, as I defined 'victory' at the time, in this battle occurred when the church invited my then husband to preach on one of the weeks the pastor was on vacation.  My mother, respected though no longer allowed to serve on a church board or committee on account of her being a woman and divorced and all and having no man under whose authority to operate, insisted that my husband would do no such thing unless I was invited to preach the next week.  Surprisingly they caved and I preached from a pulpit to which, I was still officially denied access.

 So I did it.  I accomplished my great ‘fuck you’.  I was good at doing the minister thing.  Congregations liked me and respected me.  And I was a phony.  Not only was I there for the entirely wrong reasons, a personal kiss-off to a tradition I abhorred,  I wasn’t sure that I believed what I was saying from the pulpit I had bullied my way into.

The end came in, as they say, the middle of success.  I was serving as associate pastor of a moderately sized church.  I did lots of counseling, a fair amount of preaching and married and buried a number of church folk.  People trusted me.  I stood up for the youth of the church, insisting they not be treated as mere children.  I led well attended and well received bible studies.  I served on statewide and national denominational committees.  I was a great package.  But I no longer believed any of it.  And I played the part, week after week, month after month.

Until I got the letter.  It was anonymous, slipped into my church mail slot on an ordinary day.  It was a plea simply for me to pray for the writer.  About what he/she didn’t say.  He/she did say that the strength of my faith was evident and he/she knew that if I prayed God would surely listen. 

Whoever the writer, whatever their sincerity, it suddenly hit me that while I didn’t take myself all that seriously in my role as minister, other people did and I had absolutely no right to do what I was doing to them.  I had no right to allow them to trust in an illusion.  I had no right. 

So I left.  At the time I said it was because I needed a job with health benefits since my husband had been laid off.  However true that was, it was not the whole truth.  I could no longer sell my soul to the church.  I could no longer maintain my personal integrity and my position in the church.  I had said ‘fuck you’ to a religious tradition.  Big deal.  I was miserable playing a role, lying to myself and to the people who looked to me for truth. 

So now, many years later, I am a reasonably happy agnostic, trying to live not for Heaven but for the day, the moment; for this life and not the next; trying to do good where I can and not do harm when I can help it.  And it feels right to define my life for myself and not as a fuck off to a magical way of thinking.

iTunes 8 Genius Feature

ITunes  8 has a new feature called 'genius'.  If you activate the feature you can select a song from your library and the program will create a playlist from your songs as well as suggest songs you might want to add from the iTunes Store (of course).

Being a geek, I tried it.  I requested a playlist of 100 songs based on Deep Purple's Smoke on the Water.  On a quick glance there are some choices that are spot on and some that are a tad puzzling.  For example, between Elton John's Bennie and the Jets (possibly a questionable choice in and of itself) and Black Sabbath's Heaven and Hell is Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera.  

There are a few other choices that are a little bizarre considering the base genre: Barry Manilow's Mandy and Wham's Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go jump out as obvious weirdness. Why those particular songs are in my library at all can be a topic for another post.

It would be interesting to know the selection criteria Apple uses to create the lists.  Then I would know if the choices are truly strange or just due to the limitations of my library.  I am going to try a smaller result set and see what happens.  And, yes, I realize this paragraph is incredibly geeky.  

Bottom line, this looks like a fun feature to play with.  So far I am having fun.

The Larson-Aldrich Dirty Dish Reduction Act

I'm not sure about the science but I believe it to be at least anecdotally true that the amount of dirty dishes generated in a day increases exponentially with the addition of each person to a household.

At our house we have enacted The Larson-Aldrich Dirty Dish Reduction Act.

The residents of the Larson-Aldrich household are most kindly requested to observe the following guidelines.

A.) Each resident is allowed one coffee cup, one water glass and one glass for other beverages per day.  These allotments must be reused for like beverages for the duration of the day.  Beer glasses are exempt.

2.) Measuring cups and spoons should be cleaned and returned to their homes after each use.

Z.) If it possible to reuse a dish for a similar food, e.g. an english muffin plate used for breakfast can be re-used for a sandwich at lunch (or as they say in Osaka 'sandwitch').

These guidelines are entirely voluntary but in the interest of harmony and joy all residents should attempt to follow them as often as possible.

The View From Not There Part 1 - Shipley & Halmos

I am playing with the idea of blogging my thoughts as I check out the slides of the runway shows on www.style.com.

I watched the Shipley & Halmos show today.  On the women's side there was a lot of the same thing; shorts/skirt, tank, jacket-like thing.  I did like the orange minidress and the ivory dress at the end of the show. Overall the clothes were cute and flirty without being too girly but not extraordinary.

I was more impressed by the men's offerings.  Well tailored suits; I especially enjoyed the longer jacket in one of the slides.  And I loved, loved, loved the narrow too-long pants.  Such a relief after a couple of seasons of those horrific Thom Browne high-waters.

Gotta run to catch a couple more (virtual) shows before household chores.

Safari Joe and Some of His Girls

Fashion Week starts today in New York and I am excited.  I plan to spend this rainy weekend watching slide shows of all the shows.  Speaking of fashion, Hubby (above) is quite the trendsetter (Click on the pic for a larger image). Actually the Granddaughters now call him Safari Joe.  I guess in fairness I have to say that he is normally a well dressed person but that day started out cool (hence the long pants) but by the time we reached the Bronx Zoo it was pretty hot (hence the rolled up long pants).  Even I can't explain the asymmetry of the socks.  Looks like a gang sign to me but I can't figure out what gang.  Anyway, I find this picture highly amusing and it demonstrates one of the reasons I love Hubby.  He is not afraid to be a bit out there and I think this is a great example.