Real "Housewives" of NYC - Part the Third

I have to lay off The Countess this week because, although she did not fail to deliver many mock worthy moments, her compatriots have been sadly neglected.  I do have to mention the meeting with the woman who is 'helping her write', aka ghost-writing, her book about All Things Countessy.  As The Countess droned on and on the poor woman looked as if she were wondering what happened to her dreams of life as a writer in New York.  They seemed so bright and shiny back in Creative Writing class.

On to Kelly.  Kelly Horseleatherface of the Sun Damaged Dermis is the 'new' 'housewife'.  A single mother of two girls with strange names, Kelly does something but I'm not sure what.  Apparently she writes for a magazine and plays at making jewelry for 20-something soccer moms to wear out to dinner with their husbands.  I know, it didn't make sense when she said it on TV either.  Oh, and by the way, when your boy toy says in his bumbling English that your applied-with-a-spatula make-up gets all over his face when you smooch?  That's not a good thing.

Kelly and Bethenny have an ongoing bitch fight because Kelly didn't want her name on the invitation for Jill's charity shindig.  Last week, Kelly invited Bethenny for a drink so she could shriek at her about how much she hates her.  Kelly then met the boy toy for another drink and made horse-teefs at him for the rest of the night.

And what the f$%k was she doing running in the middle of the street?  Passersby were turning around - yes, in NYC - to look at the crazy lady running amongst the taxis with a camera crew in the middle of the damn street.  Oh, and she also went with Jill while Jill picked out at $16,000 handbag (Jill explained that what with the economy in the shitter an all, she was being frugal and not getting jewelry for her birthday this year.)

This was birthday week.  Jill's and Alex's.  Jill got the handbag as a gift from her sugar daddy/husband.  Sugarpops also surprised her with a Mercedes SUV.  She bitched because it didn't have an iPhone connector.

On the other side of the bridge in Brooklyn, Simon picked out a paltry pair of cheap-ass earrings (a mere $6K) for Alex.  He then surprised her by taking her home.  Quite the gift for surprise that.  He wigged out in the car because the driver actually took them home instead of driving around the block first just to confuse Alex.  I actually felt bad for Alex.  It was obvious she was embarrassed to tears (literally) but she laughed it off in the joy of being surprised by being taken home to celebrate with cupcakes and the two strange, screaming blond creatures that live in their house.  Must be some sort of exotic Brooklyn house pets.