Real "Housewives" of NYC - Part the First

Okay, it's my dirty little secret.  I watch this show.  I actually DVR on Tuesday and watch it on Wednesday so I can relax with a glass of wine, watch the show sans commercials and read Richard's hysterical synopsis at Gawker.com in one sitting.  

I tried to watch the RH of Orange County.  I think I made it through part of one episode.  I didn't watch the RH of Atlanta.  But the RH of NY is like a train wreck I can't stop watching.  These women are awful. With the exception of Bethenny I would not want to know any of them.  But I seem to have embraced their horridness and thus my Wednesday night ritual.

For the uninitiated some basics:

Some of these women are wives - Bethenny and Kelly are single - but none of them seem to do anything remotely housewifey.  Unless of course you count shopping, lunching, and bitching about one another. That pretty much sums up every episode.

The Cast:

Bethenny - Top of the list for coolness.  She is some kind of celebrity chef who was on the cover of some snooty magazine in the Hamptons when this season began.  She is totally in your face; a no nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is type.  One reviewer said she functions like a smart-aleck Greek chorus injecting a snarky common sense into the madness generated by her co-stars, the rest of the 'housewives'.

The Countess LuAnn - married to some 3rd rate French Count geezer who is somehow related to the Statue of Liberty. His 4th wife, I believe and in the real world, not the TV world, this week he dumped her via email for a much younger Ethiopian sexpot he was courting in Geneva while his wife was in NYC doing countess-y things on a reality show).  Countess LuAnn believes her lofty position gives her the gravitas to write the soon-to-be-released etiquette tome, "Class With The Countess."  I am not making this up.  

Favorite Countess moment - she and the oft-absent Count (see Ethiopian sexpot reference above) were being honored by some random charity at some random Hamptons shindig.  At her table, The Countess bitched incessantly because the woman who introduced her didn't use the title 'Countess' enough times.  Then, annoyed that the other attendees were talking while the charity woman was speaking, she got up, grabbed the microphone and basically told everyone to shut the f&*k up.  After which she returned to her table and proceeded to talk loudly to her tablemates while the poor charity woman gamely tried to finish her speech.  Bethenny's take: it wasn't very 'countessy' in fact 'it was discountess'.  This is why I love Bethenny.

Second favorite Countess moment: The Discountess's meal ticket (see Ethiopian sexpot reference above)/daughter is off to boarding school in the fall and while it is still summer in the damn Hamptons, Countess LuAnn decides to host a luncheon for the girl and her friends.  About a dozen 14-year-old girls, looking extremely uncomfortable, arrive at the tent where lunch is to be served.  The Discountess's daughter appears to be praying for the Hellmouth to open and loose the demons on them all. 

Instead of the Hellmouth, however, the Discountess's mouth opens and proceeds to berate the poor girls for there abominable etiquette; 'YOU, close your mouth when you chew' - YOU, elbows off the table.' In her face time with the camera she self=righteously explains that she has done these girls a wonderful service by pointing out to them their egregious table manners and they are extraordinarily privileged to be in the presence of A Countess who is willing to help the poor dears. Not all girls are so blessed.  Again, I am not making this up.

Okay so we've covered Bethenny and The Discountess and this post is already way to long.  More to come on Ramona, Alex/Simon, Jill and Kelly Leatherface later.....